Bored Husband

Dear Mrs. Murry,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Complaints

15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"