The boat race: US vs. Japan

Isn't this about the truth


The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

Bored Husband

Dear Mrs. Murry,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Complaints

15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Johnny Learns Politics

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Corporate Condoms

Click on image to make bigger!

Speeding Excuse

Very Good Prank

1. Fasten the balloons to the car
2. Drive like a crazy person
3. observe the other road users

Bomb Squad Practical Joke

Sudoku

Get your daily fix of Sudoku with three different levels each day: Easy, Medium, and Hard.

http://www.miniclip.com/games/sudoku/en/

Vote Me For President

http://www.news3online.com

Just Letters

A letters game where multiple people try to use the same letters to create words. Just see if you can create one word in here.

http://lunchtimers.com/

Charming Wall

Someone has too much time on their hands, but it is a really neat site. Click on the different links at top and see what happens.

http://www.charmingwall.com/

Couldn't help myself

Fake Money

I really don't think this was made up.

http://humour.200ok.com.au/onlyinus.htm

How to get Police attention

This is so true...

Round like a shot
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.
I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone as soon as possible.
I hung up. A minute later I rang again. "Hello," I said, I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now, because I've shot them."
Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said: "I thought you said you'd shot them."
To which I replied: "I thought you said there was no one available."
TONY GLADSTONE

Yet another luser

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Mm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

[OUCHh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

[Ahoy--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem.I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.]"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have alittle light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the powercordgoes into it. Can you see that?"

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into thewall."[pause]

"Yes, it is."

[Mm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turnedit off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switchbecause I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to havemore than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cablesplugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the othercable."

[muffled] "Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back ofyour computer."

[still muffled] "I can't reach."

"UHF hub. Well, can you see if it is?"

[clear again] "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-- it's because it'sdark."

"Dark?"

"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming infrom the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]

Comprehending the IT guy

Comprehending the IT guy - Take One:
Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'

The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Comprehending the IT guy - Take Two:
An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The IT guy said, "I like both."

The artist said "BOTH?"

The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."


Comprehending the IT guy - Take Three:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Five Reasons Computers Are Female

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

4. The message "Bad command or filename" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The Cup Holder

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes it is, how may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is borken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
I am sure you have heard this, but it is too funny to leave off!


Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, its attached to the front of my PC."

Tech: "Please excuse me if i seem to be a bit stumped, it's because i am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have a trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional, it just has '4X' on it."

At this point the tech had to mute the caller, be cause he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the loader drawer for the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Church Advertising

This Church doesn't discriminate!

Now that's my kind of burger!

Excit

An Excel puzzle game. It is really fun and challenging.
http://www.pixer.org/excit/

If it gets too tough, here is a walkthrough.
http://www.freegamesnews.com/en/?p=2823
Post number 41 is the most helpful

Natural Hallucinogen

It works better full screen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzSRVgF501M

Shakira - Hips don't Lie

I don't know what to say about this.

Why every guy should buy their girlfriend Wii Fit

This really makes me want to get Wii Fit, how about you.

Achievement Whores

Another very funny video if you are a gamer.

Tower Defence Games

I recently got interested in tower defence type of games. This is where there is a map with a path going through the middle (sometimes zig-zag not necessarily a straight line). The enemy follows this path and you stop them by setting up different types of towers and/or people. This site has majority of these games. Some of my favorites are:

Bloons 1 and 2
Canyon Defense
Temple Gaurdian
Ultimate Defense

http://www.towerdefence.net/?page=allgames

The Sniper

This one is for the sniper in you. Graphics aren't the best but will provide you with an hour or two of fun.

http://www.addictinggames.com/thesniper.html

Zuma

A simple but fun and very relaxing game.

http://www.popcap.com/games/free/zuma?detect=2

C.I.L.F.

A YouTube video that is very funny. Warning: May be offensive to somes. By the way before you get the wrong ideal it is Cartoons NOT CHILDREN!!!